Am I afraid of the dark?

As I have been going through this year, I have decided to read a daily devotional. I chose the classic "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers and have not been disappointed (although i have been challenged). A devotion from 2 days ago has me wondering, am I afraid of the dark? I suppose I should stop and state for the record that I am a planner. I'm not quite to the point of scheduling breathing into my daily activity list or having a "clipboard of fun," but I do enjoy knowing what will come of each day and where I am headed. I try to pray, desire to search out the Scriptures, seek wise counsel and reason through each decision. Most of the time I do it in that order. Most of the time.

So here's the problem I ran into as I went through my devotion. Chambers began discussing Abraham and when he did, he began to speak to me personally. (yes, I know that he never met me and that hundreds of thousands of people have read this book with great applications being made to their lives as well). Chambers states that:

"Whenever God gives a vision to a saint, He puts him, as it were, in the shadow of His hand, and the saint’s duty is to be still and listen. There is a darkness which comes from excess of light, and then is the time to listen. Genesis 16 is an illustration of listening to good advice when it is dark instead of waiting for God to send the light. When God gives a vision and darkness follows, wait. God will make you in accordance with the vision He has given if you will wait His time. Never try and help God fulfill His word. Abraham went through thirteen years of silence, but in those years all self-sufficiency was destroyed; there was no possibility left of relying on commonsense ways. Those years of silence were a time of discipline, not of displeasure. Never pump up joy and confidence, but stay upon God (cf. Isaiah 50:10, 11).

Have I any confidence in the flesh? Or have I got beyond all confidence in myself and in men and women of God, in books and prayers and ecstasies; and is my confidence placed now in God Himself, not in His blessings? “I am the Almighty God”—El-Shaddai, the Father-Mother God. The one thing for which we are all being disciplined is to know that God is real. As soon as God becomes real, other people become shadows. Nothing that other saints do or say can ever perturb the one who is built on God."

We are waiting right now for the place that God would have us to go to serve. For 15 years I have sought to force God's hand in the understanding of the application of His calling on my life for ministry. With each new possibility I have been tempted to weigh the words of man (especially my own) against the word of the Lord. It has played out in different ways. I have fervently sought Him alongside my wife for times. I have served faithfully alongside my wife at times in various ministries. I have ran with rebellious intent at times. He has opened and closed doors. He has brought clarity and darkness. He has faithfully remained present and never taken away the calling He seared into my soul so long ago. I still love to plan, but I'm seeing how it must shift within me. Now I must plan to be patient. May my plan be to "Wait for the Lord" always.