After preaching Sunday morning and thinking I was projecting quite loudly, my wife said, "I was surprised you were preaching so quietly on something you are so passionate about." I made an appointment to see an ENT doctor the very next morning. After an extensive auditory testing, they discovered that I had lost 90% of my hearing in the right ear. They speculated many different things ranging from small stroke to benign tumor to "we may never know." The cost of an MRI was prohibitive, but needed by the doctor to determine the exact cause of the hearing loss. Lindsey and I prayed and I began to take the steroids the doctor prescribed. Through the benevolence of my parents, God has provided for me to have an MRI which will happen this Friday at 10am. Will you pray for me?
In the meantime, God is teaching me many things. Here's a small list:
- I take my senses for granted. The thought of not seeing my bride on our wedding day or seeing my children do so many things haunted me when I was diagnosed with LHON. The thought of never hearing my sweet children's voices or listening to my wife sing along to the radio in the car is unfathomable. Thank you Lord for my sight and hearing.
- When I lost my vision, it was only some of it. Not a complete loss. Even with hearing loss, it is only some of it. God has never allowed me to be completely without a sense for more than a short time. For that I am immensely grateful and see His divine hand and grace on me.
- He has always been faithful to me and these verses won't leave my mind: "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassion never fails. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23
- This is not due to my sin, but a product of living in a fallen world in a fallen body. I am not being punished, but God can use this to help m learn to trust Him more through it.
- I have not been overwhelmed by the loss of hearing, but this has revealed alack of trust in the Lord, which is to a degree the opposite of what I would have thought. A part of me had just resigned myself to suffering and that God would just do whatever He wanted. Instead, I should be beseeching my sovereign and heavenly Father to alter my circumstances. Not complaining, does not necessarily equate to trusting in God. Resignation is not necessarily reliance. This may seem small, but it was God's sweet and continued grace to me to show me this.
- If I do not get hearing restored, He is still the God who loves and died and bled for me.
- My wife is sweet and walks humbly with me through all of this and, Jesus who knows our every weakness, knew I needed her if I were have even half a shot to run this race well.
