The Article and Mental Illness

Recently, I had the great privilege of working with Jan Hoffman, a journalist with the NY Times, to discuss pastoral counseling and mental illness. Here is the article. In the original article, before editing, Jan sat in on our Wednesday night bible study, where we have been studying the Psalms for over two years. That particular week, we were in Psalm 88. I love what Paul David Tripp says about this Psalm, declaring, that no psalm more powerfully communicates, “Come to me as you are, with all your doubt and fear, pain and discouragement. Hold before me your shattered hopes and dreams, and find redemption and rest when it seems there is none to be found. Don’t hesitate because your heart is weak and your mind confused. Don’t hesitate because you have questioned my goodness and love. Come as you are, for my sacrifice is for you, just as you are.”

Psalm 88 is beautiful, because it speaks of a saint who is struggling yet calls out to God, even in the depth of his anguish. Int he midst of suffering, faith holds on to the God who has promised His presence and to deliver us. 

In verses 3-5, the psalmist points out that "his soul" was "full of troubles",  and that he feels almost dead in the midst of his life filled with suffering, even going so far as to indict God for not intervening and fixing the issue. 

What struck me about this Psalm, was that the writer never stopped turning to the Lord, despite frustration with his circumstances. True faith is not an apathetic acceptance of whatever comes to pass in our lives. True faith lies in wrestling with God in prayer. We should be concerned when things in our lives don't appear to be right. Jesus poured out his heart in prayer in Gethsemane, asking for another way. When we question if there is another way for us in faith, we're simply following the master's path outlined for us. 

      Psalm 88, a lament in structure, appears to end with sadness, but if we look at the psalm as a whole, it isn't. The psalm begins with talking to "the God who saves."  The Bible doesn't offer a sanitized version of life or our reactions to it: dark, shocking, and painful  stories abound. Scripture shows us people who think, act, plan, decide, and speak just like we do. If the Bible left out these real-life stories of murder, rape, famine, disease, judgment, depression, war, adultery, theft, corruption, and overwhelming fear, how likely would we be to believe that God’s Word could help us?

     

    It is reassuring to realize that the Bible addresses the world as we know it. God makes it very clear that he understands the Heat we face every day. It isn't always pleasant to read the honest stories of Scripture, but it is comforting. We realize that we will never face an experience, no matter how dark or difficult, that would be a shock to our God. Again, Paul David Tripp says it so well: "The hope and help God offers his children reflect his knowledge of the full range of human experience. That’s why some of the most comforting passages of Scripture may not even have the word comfort in them." 

     Or when Timothy Lane states that “The Lord of light is your friend in darkness. The Lord of life stands beside you in death. The Lord of hope is your companion in your despair. The Prince of Peace supports you when no peace can be found. The God of all comfort waits faithfully near you. The source of all joy is close by when loss has robbed you of joy.” 

    

    The reality is that God doesn't prescribe a happy life and depression is a form of suffering that can’t be reduced to one universal cause. It's not as easy as finding the root cause and offering some silver bullet. Mental illness is challenging and may be life long. This means that family and friends can’t rush in armed with THE answer. Instead, they must be willing to postpone swearing allegiance to a particular theory, and take time to know the depressed person and work together with him or her. from a pastoral standpoint, this means working for the spiritual wellness of the individual by helping them live their life to the glory of God, even while suffering. Working towards total wellness (body, soul, and spirit) is the goal, but it may not be possible this side of eternity. Our goal is to use all of the wisdom, knowledge, and help that God has made available to us in common grace to help each individual to honor God. 

     Depression is hard to understand and feels private and isolating and it is common for spiritually mature men and women who feel depressed to think they are doing something wrong. Scripture is filled with words of joy and individuals with happy hearts, so it's easy to feel as if something is amiss. 

Ed Welch speaks well to this stating, "When [Christians] aren't feeling happy, they feel that they must be missing something or that God is punishing them until they learn some hidden lesson. On earth, however, God doesn’t prescribe a happy life. He doesn't legislate emotions. Look at some of the Psalms. They are written by people of great faith, yet they run the emotional gamut. This one even ends with “darkness is my closest friend” (Psalm 88:18). When your emotions feel muted or always low, when you are unable to experience the highs and lows you once did, the important question is, “Where do you turn—or, to whom do you turn?””

Why is this so important? Because who you turn to first, reflects who you believe holds ultimate help. But if all truth is God's truth, then utilize the resources at hand to get the help that you need, thanking God and seeking Him all the while. After all, we believe that all good things come from Him and that also that He loves all of His children. Those two ideas never conflict.   

On days like this...

I have to remember and repeat frequently:

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26

Psalm 65

I've been studying the Psalms on Wednesday nights since I arrived at ESBC, taking one a week, and slowly but surely watching how God reveals Himself time and time again. This past week, looking at psalm 65, focusing in verses 9-13 I was reminded of a great truth that I've seen play itself out in moments all spring and summer, year after year with my father as we planted our garden. In verses 9–11 All the covenantal benefits are blessings of God by which he demonstrates to his people that they are his beloved, chosen people (described first in Psalm 65:4). One of these blessings is water (Psalm 65:9). For generations, people have prepared the land before the fall rains by making “furrows” and  “ridges” (Psalm 65:10). They would build up these raised bed gardens and wait. patiently waiting for God to water the seed that He had blessed them with. They had taken what God had given them and prepared the land. Now all there was to do was wait for God to bless their efforts. Despite all of their work, if God didn't show up their work was for nothing. 

They rejoiced when, after the gentle rains, their “crops” would grow. They rejoiced even more when they saw the latter rains in the spring. These rains permitted the crops to mature and to produce abundant harvests (Psalm 65:9). 

This drove me to ask the questions: How am I making furrows and ridges in my life? How are we preparing to receive the blessings of the Lord in our church? How am I taking the gifts that God has given me and setting them up intentionally to receive a bigger blessing? How am I showing through my life that I am relying on the Lord? I once heard Dr. Jim Shaddix say, "We should live and plan our ministries within our churches in such a way that if God doesn't show up, our ministries will be an absolute failure." We must beg and plead for God to do a mighty work. We can't just schedule a revival, we must seek the hand of our mighty God to move and act and draw men and women unto Himself and use us to reap the harvest!  

God's heavenly carts overflow with his blessings, (Psalm 65:11). When God’s carts overflow, his people rejoice in his bountiful provisions. He has blessing upon blessing in store for His children. May we be bold enough to work diligently in God's will and to pray fervently for Him to rain down on us all that we need to continue doing His work! 

Hearing Loss Lessons

Two weeks ago, while watching T.V. and winding down for the night with my wife, the hearing in my right ear suddenly went out and was replaced with a high pitched ringing. In that moment, it was annoying, but not worrisome. I tried ear wax removal systems and solutions. No change. Days later, the concern began to set in. What was going on? Was this permanent?

After preaching Sunday morning and thinking I was projecting quite loudly, my wife said, "I was surprised you were preaching so quietly on something you are so passionate about." I made an appointment to see an ENT doctor the very next morning. After an extensive auditory testing, they discovered that I had lost 90% of my hearing in the right ear. They speculated many different things ranging from small stroke to benign tumor to "we may never know." The cost of an MRI was prohibitive, but needed by the doctor to determine the exact cause of the hearing loss. Lindsey and I prayed and I began to take the steroids the doctor prescribed. Through the benevolence of my parents, God has provided for me to have an MRI which will happen this Friday at 10am. Will you pray for me?

In the meantime, God is teaching me many things. Here's a small list:

• I take my senses for granted. The thought of not seeing my bride on our wedding day or seeing my children do so many things haunted me when I was diagnosed with LHON. The thought of never hearing my sweet children's voices or listening to my wife sing along to the radio in the car is unfathomable. Thank you Lord for my sight and hearing. 
• When I lost my vision, it was only some of it. Not a complete loss. Even with hearing loss, it is only some of it. God has never allowed me to be completely without a sense for more than a short time. For that I am immensely grateful and see His divine hand and grace on me. 
• He has always been faithful to me and these verses won't leave my mind: "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassion never fails. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23  
• This is not due to my sin, but a product of living in a fallen world in a fallen body. I am not being punished, but God can use this to help m learn to trust Him more through it. 
• I have not been overwhelmed by the loss of hearing, but this has revealed alack of trust in the Lord, which is to a degree the opposite of what I would have thought. A part of me had just resigned myself to suffering and that God would just do whatever He wanted. Instead, I should be beseeching my sovereign and heavenly Father to alter my circumstances. Not complaining, does not necessarily equate to trusting in God. Resignation is not necessarily reliance. This may seem small, but it was God's sweet and continued grace to me to show me this.
• If I do not get hearing restored, He is still the God who loves and died and bled for me. 
• My wife is sweet and walks humbly with me through all of this and, Jesus who knows our every weakness, knew I needed her if I were have even half a shot to run this race well.  

Use of the Old Testament to Explain Current Events

An unbelieving world is watching and we can be very confusing in speaking where God is silent. For example, Job is meant to be instructive with regard to how to grieve and handle sorrow, not on why the grief happened. It is clearly instructive on one and not the other. We must be faithful to explain the scriptures in light of the scriptures themselves, not interpreting with the goal of speaking into modern events, where God has clearly been silent. If not, we are no different than Job's friends applying cherry-picked verses to match unknown circumstances.

9 Reasons I'm Thankful for My Wife on Our 9th Anniversary

I married way out of my league and I know it. Lindsey is my best friend, confidant, and the greatest blessing God has ever given to me in my life. Here are just a few of the reasons why. 

1. She believes in grace.

When I make mistakes, which is often, Lindsey believes in grace. She believes in it in the tangibly difficult moments just as much as she does in the easy moments. I can't tell you how many times my voice has come crawling through the telephone lines or through the thick, tension wrought air I've brought in from a bad moment and her grace has burst through to bring life giving grace and hope. She believes that our marriage is for forever and that so is God's grace to us all.

2. She works hard so that I can work hard.

My wife chose to put aside her college degree in order to take care of our home and our children. Because she does so well in the home, I have been able to focus on my schoolwork and education, as well as ministry at our church. There are some wives who are so terribly needy that their husband can barely focus on what he needs to do. Lindsey strives to let me work in relative peace and quiet. Working from home and on the same floor as the children makes this an large task and constant challenge, but she excels at it.

3. Lindsey puts others ahead of herself.

I have often seen Lindsey get a bit of extra money from a sale, couponing, or budgeting and turn around and use the money on others. It wasn't too far into our marriage that I learned that I cannot give Lindsey gift cards or cash, because she will often use those things on gifts for the kids and I or others. Her love for others is evident in the way she sacrificially gives away what she wants (even at times her own dreams) so others can have what they need.

4. She is a constant source of encouragement

Lindsey knows exactly how to encourage me. Along the course of our marriage, we have lived in privilege and traveled internationally with fine dining and we've struggled to pay the light bill and ate ramen noodles. We've experienced harsh disappointments, but my beloved has never left my side or ceased to encourage me. She believes in me and constantly lets me know it. I don't just think, I know, that i would not be the man I am today or where I am if not for the love and support of my wife.

5. She's not a princess, she's a queen.

When we first got married, I called Lindsey a princess and was quickly chastised for it. Princesses are damsels in distress who rarely get their hands dirty. They are often spoiled and rarely contribute. She didn't want to be a damsel in distress. She was a daughter of a King, but she wanted to love and support someone in their reign over our own castle. She wanted to be a queen. She is my warrior queen, fighting alongside me for our marriage, our family, and for the great Gospel of Jesus Christ to go out. She carries herself cautiously and regally, lovingly exalting those around her, yet maintaining grace and poise. She doesn't demand for herself, but thinks of others. It is often I find her burdened and thinking to pray for one soul or another. Her own comfort is often thrown aside for the good of the children and she doesn't talk about fairness.

6. She is beautiful and doesn't know it.

In a culture obsessed with waist-size, photoshopped realities, and six pack abs, classic beauty has been thrown out in favor of shifting perceptions of  what is beautiful. Lindsey looks in the mirror, magazines, and stores and sees what she thinks the world sees. But if she could see what I see, she'd take down the mirrors. She's strikingly and stunningly beautiful. Just ask her, I can't walk by her without stealing a kiss or an embrace. She's amazing and she doesn't even see it, which is a real shame, because I can't stop staring. She's a beauty in every way, inside and out and my love for her grows daily. 

7. She's lived on her own

Lindsey lived in Lille, France for 9 months before we were married. She's been the one making choices, waking herself up for her responsibilities, discovering a new culture, and becoming immersed in a land/culture/language unknown to her. Honestly, this made marrying her all the easier. It meant that this angelic beauty could walk into a bachelor's world and learn to navigate a man-child's heart as we became one. It meant that as I was still discerning God's calling on my heart, would be able to walk head-held high with me, knowing that we'd adapt as we went. She's fiercely independent and tremendously loyal. She needs nothing but her God, yet chooses to be with all her call her family and friend.   

8. Lindsey is creative (the understatement of the year)

Lindsey is the Macgyver of crafting. when we were first married, before children, she would craft for hours, spinning golden treasures from trinkets and thread. Once kids came along, her focus shifted, but the creativity and crafting did not cease. Where her focus had once been jewelry, her focus became more children specific or items to adorn a home. As our budget for crafting dramatically decreased, Lindsey's creativity increased. She would find "treasure" at the city dump, Goodwill, yard sales, or on the side of the road, and with hours of lost sleep amidst the draws of 3 children, she would find time to turn these items into the things that people admire so much about our home. Lindsey's creativity has made so many houses turn into homes, and she uses that ability and vision to bless our family and others as well.

9. Lindsey has prioritized the kingdom of God over her personal comfort.

9 years ago, when we said our vows, Lindsey told me, quoting Ruth: Where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people will be my people, and your God my God.

Lindsey meant those words then and still means them now. We have lived in 1 apartment, 4 houses, and 4 cities in 9 years. We've talked at great length about her hopes and dreams. Where she'd like to live, what her ideal house would look like. Accumulating wealth and establishing comfort has never been a top priority for her. Instead, she cares much more deeply about relationships and about God’s kingdom than her own comfort. People are more important than things to her, and I respect that about her, even when asking her to move to places not her choosing to love and invest in people she has never met. Her desire to obey God outweighs her desire for comfort, in all of the forms it presents itself in our world. She's a-maz-ing.

I won't say I couldn't be more thankful, because I'm sure I miss more than I see, but these past nine years have been the best of my life. I love you and look forward to what God has in store for us down the road. Happy anniversary, Lindsey!

Leftovers

I've never been a fan of leftovers. Growing up, entire meals would consist of a few bites of spaghetti, cornbread, chili, hot dogs, mac and cheese, corn on the cob, and potato soup. You would take a few bites of each to make your meal and I would often wonder why we didn't just throw out the leftovers since there was only a small quantity of each item. My stomach may be filled by the assortment of food, but my heart was empty at the thought of it. I remained ungrateful for the provision, because it wasn't in the way that I had wanted it.

There are few things in life more disgusting than ungratefulness. Everyone hates the child who decries one hard earned gift for the love of another or the beggar who complains of the provided meal. This ungratefulness is not new to our Western society, nor to our modern times. One need not far to find this same attitude in the people of God in the wilderness. Out of slavery and death by the mighty hand of God, fed daily with manna by Him, this is the response of the people:

"Now the rabble that was among them had a strong craving. And the people of Israel also wept again and said, "Oh that we had meat to eat! We remember the fish we ate in Egypt that cost nothing, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic.  But now our strength is dried up, and there is nothing at all but this manna to look at.” Numbers 11:4-6


They were ungrateful for God's provision and they most certainly didn't want leftovers. But it seems that God views leftovers differently, and by His grace I am beginning to see them differently too. Often, God uses leftovers to show His abundant provision and clear, powerful, miraculous presence in our lives. Just read Matthew 14:13-21 to see an example of this. 
Last night my wife, Lindsey, took squash from our garden, leftover chopped onions from a church function, and made a delicious squash casserole. It rivaled my grandmother's squash. She also handmade turkey meatballs, fixed sweet tea, and cornbread for us. There made so much that even after second helpings, there was plenty left over. Today for lunch, I had some of the leftovers (ok, all of it) and it was delicious. The leftovers today taught me 2 important lessons: 
1) My wife loves me very much and made extra so that our family could be full and satisfied. 
2) God's abundant provision is often missed when I am focused on looking for new things instead of enjoying what God has already given. His leftovers are so much better than the first fruits of the world.